


but i crumble completely when you cry

by raazberry



Series: love & letters [2]
Category: Mythic Quest: Raven's Banquet (TV)
Genre: Confessions, Letters, Light Angst, M/M, this is super self indulgent im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:28:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28877976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raazberry/pseuds/raazberry
Summary: Brad writes David a letter.
Relationships: Brad Bakshi/David Brittlesbee
Series: love & letters [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2128767
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	but i crumble completely when you cry

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Arctic Monkeys' 505 because it was stuck in my head while writing this.

Dear David,

There’s this song that I once heard you sing, while we were working together. I looked up the words when you left, and played the song that showed up over and over again. It has been stuck in my head for weeks. _You_ have been stuck in my head, for weeks. I have never been one to pursue romance— It has always been meaningless hookups, and meaningless kisses for me. And sure, it was a little bit sad, but I was content, until you decided to open your fucking mouth and sing to me. You gave me no choice but to rip my heart out of my chest and offer it to you on a golden plate. You can do whatever you want with it, It’s all yours. You can rip it apart if you’d like, you can put it back in me, I don’t care. I trust you. With my heart.

When you first got divorced, I watched you clean out your desk religiously, every single week. At some point, I thought about taking advantage of your pain and asking you to clean mine too, but it felt too cruel. I guess I always had a soft spot for you. I felt like helping you out, but I didn’t know how to ask, or what to do. So, I fought with you. I made you scream at me. I tried my best to never go too far, just far enough to distract you, to let you get the anger out. I don’t know if it helped, but you always seemed more relieved as the workday reached its end. I hope I didn’t make it worse. I can’t handle the thought of you crying.

Our fights became more frequent. I would annoy you a little bit, and you would scream at me, and look at me with those eyes, like you wanted to devour me or something, and David, I’m just a man, alright? I can’t help it. I wanted you to look at me like that again, and again, and again, and again. So, my intentions changed – I wasn’t annoying you to help you or distract you. I was doing it for my own pleasure. I’m selfish, _I know_ , but can you blame me? It was addicting, to feel like that. But then I made you cry once, so I stopped. I stopped arguing with you, I stopped looking at you in the eye. My heart got the best of me. It was never my intention to hurt you. I promise.

You once told me that you thought that I was heartless. It was completely unprompted. I didn’t think you meant anything by it, so I let it slide, but I still looked at you, questioningly. You said that it was because I was an asshole to you. I nodded. You asked me if I ever got tired of being an asshole. I nodded again, but you’d already left the room. Do you still think that I’m heartless, David? My heart is in your hands anyway. So ultimately, it’s for you to decide.

I grew up loving superhero films. All of my friends wanted to be _the hero_ , but I would just look at the villain and think, _Oh. Here is another person who thinks he’s doing everything right, but he’s so wrong. He’s so fucking wrong_. But I was never the villain, and I was never the hero. I wasn’t even a part of the story. It made me very sad, to not be included. But then I grew up and realised that I was just one of the civilians, one of the people in the background: The Friend Who Fucks Up. That was me. But nobody ever wanted to elaborate on his story, so I thought that I would just write my own. So here I am. Writing.

I have fucked up, more times than I can count, but you still stuck around. I haven’t been a good man. But I will try to be better. For you. So, this is me, thanking you. And apologizing, simultaneously. I’m sorry for everything I did, and I’m so thankful that you’re still here—and if it’s not too much to ask for, could you stay for a little while longer?

Love,

Brad.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a little bit weird, I know, and I'm sorry. It's a little bit of me trying to figure out my own emotions through Brad, so... yeah. I hope you enjoyed it anyway! Kudos and comments are always appreciated :)
> 
> follow me on twitter @zchwoods <3


End file.
